i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
