it hurts more in the daytime
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
