even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize