There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sex in a hospital.. check
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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