He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
