Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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