i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
