God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize