My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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