Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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