As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
