I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
