i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
