U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
