hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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