I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
