just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is the high leading the old right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
