i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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