Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
