3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
