i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
