I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
