I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
