On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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