he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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