So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Too much gin, very little bucket
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
