We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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