He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
