I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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