Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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