All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
