im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
