Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize