I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
