he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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