We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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