woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
