I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
