also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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