he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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