Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
