i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
