i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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