there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
