I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
