i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
