to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
