why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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