at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize