just tell him i said nine months
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
