it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
