That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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