Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i already hear my dad disowning me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
