Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
