Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
