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• (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.

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• (310): View more from California

  last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole

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• (805): View more from California

  he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Ten

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$

  (815): View more from Illinois

  GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS

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