so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
