You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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