I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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