no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
