I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
