So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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