Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize