The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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