If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
