i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
