so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
