You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
