Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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