No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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