Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize