Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
