here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
