Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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