coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
