even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
