Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
