Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
