He is an equal opportunity slut.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
