dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All the doctor said was why
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
