they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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