If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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