Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize