i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
