then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
