so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
