He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
