Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Randomize
