So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
