I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
