I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
