I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
