I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
