I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
