i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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