We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
